Question:
If people I have always considered my friends ignore me and say hurtful things about me without reason, am I obligated to forgive them and act as friendly as before unless they apologize? Christ does not forgive unless we ask; do we need to forgive unless we are asked?
Answer:
We should hold the spirit of forgiveness toward all. That does not mean that we should go to those who have wronged us and say, “I forgive you,” for that would be, by implication, to charge them with wrong. But we should show that we are friendly and ready to forgive and should be prepared to forgive, or else we will not truly forgive when asked. Christ was anxious to forgive us a long time before we asked Him, and therefore, as soon as we came to that place where we saw our need for His pardon, and by asking showed that we saw our need— the only place where the forgiveness could do us good—Christ there and then freely granted what He was anxious to do all the time. “Even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Col. 3:13. “And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.” Mark 11:25. But to forgive thus, we must hold the spirit of forgiveness toward all, whether they ask pardon or not.
But this is the very thing that is difficult for us to do. Let’s offer two suggestions which may be of help. (1) We can easily forgive others when we think that they are injuring themselves far worse by endeavoring to injure us. They can only injure our reputation, or that which is extraneous to us, but can never injure our character without our consent; but they do injure that which to every soul should be of the greatest value—their own character. Knowing this, our pity should be aroused. (2) If we, in the language of the poet, would—
"Remember thy follies, thy sins, and thy crimes;
How vast is that infinite debt!
Yet Mercy hath seven by seventy times
Been swift to forgive and forget"—
we could more easily forgive.
Christ loved us and therefore forgave us, even praying for God to forgive His tormentors. Can we not do the same?
